








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1152 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 338 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,527 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3466 | 22% |
| Smokes | 6090 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 2472 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3499 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,145,519 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 529 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | yogi björnen | 50% | 147 |
| #4 | 𐂃 | 48% | 145 |
| #5 | dreelow | 47% | 158 |
| #6 | gushter | 40% | 88 |
| #7 | YODA | 31% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yogi björnen | 41 | 0.0138 |
| #2 | dreelow | 37 | 0.0116 |
| #3 | 𐂃 | 28 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | gushter | 15 | 0.0087 |
| #5 | Villain | 8 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yogi björnen | 467 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | 𐂃 | 348 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #3 | dreelow | 312 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | YODA | 182 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | Villain | 175 | 0.13 | 4 min |





