








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 255 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2534 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,521 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4453 | 47% |
| Smokes | 1079 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 2584 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1405 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $409,156 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 『 』 | 65% | 31 |
| #2 | |Mágiko| | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | Jonas | 56% | 95 |
| #4 | COCK | 54% | 186 |
| #5 | 4NUBIS | 51% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COCK | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Jonas | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | 4NUBIS | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | 『 』 | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | PSCL | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COCK | 873 | 0.22 | 23 min |
| #2 | Jonas | 173 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | 4NUBIS | 138 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | 『 』 | 134 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | PSCL | 57 | 0.16 | 1 min |





