








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,738 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2005 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3175 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1529 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2029 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $487,557 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ica Nära Thörnbjörn | 54% | 112 |
| #7 | mNK | 53% | 19 |
| #8 | WAW' | 49% | 43 |
| #9 | shronkey | 48% | 60 |
| #10 | Hira | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smarre | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | RobbaN | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | WAW' | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Majjkdee | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Ica Nära Thörnbjörn | 2 | 0.0008 |





