








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 151 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4010 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,968 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2999 | 38% |
| Smokes | 2250 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1439 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1280 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,086,061 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 211 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | P I C K L 3 | 51% | 35 |
| #8 | calzone | 49% | 35 |
| #9 | DanZ3r0 | 46% | 39 |
| #10 | champagne papi jiggy | 43% | 23 |
| #11 | panty dropper 5000 | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eagleJ | 20 | 0.0137 |
| #2 | Peaches | 8 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Tiz | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | arrgh | 5 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | DanZ3r0 | 4 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calzone | 191 | 0.28 | 5 min |
| #2 | Peaches | 180 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Tiz | 173 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | eagleJ | 92 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | arrgh | 87 | 0.11 | 2 min |





