








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 519 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 182 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1600 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,110 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1933 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1967 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1848 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1362 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,541,945 of utility $287 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 64 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | yawn | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | The Pawg Frawg | 44% | 18 |
| #10 | calzone | 42% | 48 |
| #11 | DanZ3r0 | 35% | 31 |
| #12 | panty dropper 5000 | 26% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sunny | 21 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | eagleJ | 13 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | arrgh | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Peaches | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | DanZ3r0 | 5 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calzone | 279 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| #2 | sunny | 271 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | arrgh | 211 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Peaches | 146 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | eagleJ | 112 | 0.07 | 3 min |





