








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 428 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 187 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2702 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,012 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3573 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2589 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2609 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2241 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,037,845 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Schlechte Gewohnheiten 8 | 49% | 37 |
| #12 | Cute R0bder-kun | 48% | 29 |
| #13 | Scheimbutzer. | 47% | 51 |
| #14 | Optimus Junior | 44% | 45 |
| #15 | ✪ Slone ツ | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alachadmaga | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Schlechte Gewohnheiten 8 | 6 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Perry the Platypus | 5 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | ✪ Slone ツ | 5 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | EinsOkr1m | 4 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tobarschius | 342 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | EinsOkr1m | 302 | 0.27 | 9 min |
| #3 | roibron | 217 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #4 | Alachadmaga | 196 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | Perry the Platypus | 191 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EinsOkr1m | +3.58 | 69 | 76 |
| #2 | Perry the Platypus | +3.46 | 75 | 71 |
| #3 | Patroklaus | +2.41 | 58 | 58 |
| #4 | Tobarschius | +2.20 | 74 | 68 |
| #5 | Cute R0bder-kun | +1.80 | 74 | 67 |





