








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 623 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 173 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 141 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2467 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,950 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3382 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2442 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2184 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1942 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $920,494 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cold as Ice | 55% | 55 |
| #2 | EinsOkr1m | 52% | 27 |
| #3 | Schlechte Gewohnheiten 8 | 51% | 57 |
| #4 | ✪ Slone ツ | 49% | 43 |
| #5 | Tobarschius | 48% | 191 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alachadmaga | 11 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Tobarschius | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Schlechte Gewohnheiten 8 | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Optimus Junior | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Scheimbutzer. | 5 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tobarschius | 620 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #2 | Alachadmaga | 373 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #3 | Optimus Junior | 202 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Scheimbutzer. | 195 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | ✪ Slone ツ | 152 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tobarschius | +2.40 | 67 | 68 |
| #2 | EinsOkr1m | +2.37 | 67 | 68 |
| #3 | Oh Rly?!? | +1.95 | 64 | 64 |
| #4 | Schlechte Gewohnheiten 8 | +1.45 | 46 | 67 |
| #5 | roibron | +0.53 | 52 | 62 |





