








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 440 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 85 matches | ||
| Esplay | 13 matches | 1,852 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1289 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,165 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 947 | 30% |
| Smokes | 807 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1016 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 395 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $480,440 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 423 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jackw | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | Korkut Binay Özdinar | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | Kion | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | SK | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | uzze | 55% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Författaren | 45% | 20 |
| #10 | OG | 44% | 41 |
| #11 | surpr1se | 44% | 55 |
| #12 | subzero | 42% | 31 |
| #13 | SneLHesT | 41% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SMB | 8 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | uzze | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | SneLHesT | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | GZA | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | jackw | 2 | 0.0073 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SMB | 473 | 0.27 | 14 min |
| #2 | uzze | 136 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | surpr1se | 132 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | OG | 126 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | subzero | 125 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | subzero | +3.30 | 89 | 56 |
| #2 | Noob | +3.17 | 81 | 50 |
| #3 | uzze | +2.88 | 76 | 58 |
| #4 | SMB | +2.30 | 71 | 75 |
| #5 | Korkut Binay Özdinar | +1.90 | 89 | 57 |





