








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1288 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 263 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 92 matches | ||
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Esplay | 25 matches | 2,025 | |
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




48 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6017 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,000 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3200 | 19% |
| Smokes | 4752 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4950 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4098 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,669,019 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 617 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wuhan Tapp | 68% | 68 |
| #2 | swar | 64% | 89 |
| #3 | 4li6lvck | 59% | 44 |
| #4 | Författaren | 57% | 88 |
| #5 | GZA | 56% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hoLywaNker | 14 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | subzero | 12 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | SMB | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | surpr1se | 8 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | SneLHesT | 5 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SMB | 1179 | 0.27 | 38 min |
| #2 | subzero | 629 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #3 | swar | 275 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | surpr1se | 271 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | hoLywaNker | 263 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | uzze | +3.90 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | subzero | +2.60 | 89 | 58 |
| #3 | SMB | +1.23 | 71 | 75 |
| #4 | swar | +0.86 | 59 | 63 |
| #5 | Luftwasser | +0.38 | 69 | 44 |





