








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 652 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 372 matches | ||
| Esplay | 26 matches | 1,694 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3087 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,229 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3332 | 21% |
| Smokes | 4501 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3832 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4564 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,390,556 of utility $256 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 544 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | subzero | 43% | 44 |
| #10 | Författaren | 43% | 42 |
| #11 | OG | 42% | 134 |
| #12 | Luftwasser | 41% | 46 |
| #13 | uzze | 38% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | surpr1se | 13 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | SMB | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | uzze | 8 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | GZA | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Författaren | 6 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SMB | 725 | 0.30 | 22 min |
| #2 | OG | 383 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | surpr1se | 315 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | subzero | 153 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | Korkut Binay Özdinar | 135 | 0.12 | 4 min |





