








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1611 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,391 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 866 | 20% |
| Smokes | 753 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1406 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1366 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $650,084 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saviour of the beaten and the da | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | (>_VOSS_<) | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Manik | 51% | 45 |
| #4 | Enigma | 49% | 75 |
| #5 | Nicky | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | ViXenQ | 31% | 26 |
| #13 | Tokyo Sexwhale | 29% | 14 |
| #14 | 女王 Hakari | 26% | 42 |
| #15 | BliXemSA | 25% | 16 |
| #16 | Scout's Honor | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Manik | 216 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | 女王 Hakari | 148 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | ViXenQ | 71 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Tokyo Sexwhale | 71 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #5 | Straat-Kat | 48 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saviour of the beaten and the da | +4.25 | 37 | 78 |
| #2 | (>_VOSS_<) | +3.16 | 45 | 51 |
| #3 | Manik | +2.31 | 56 | 64 |
| #4 | Dr.X | +1.47 | 74 | 59 |
| #5 | AIDS | +1.04 | 20 | 54 |





