








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
351 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,557 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 355 | 23% |
| Smokes | 275 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 509 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 418 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $138,139 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | whatisupboizz | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | Kondombrecher | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | Pussy hunter | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | Carl Gallagher | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | Ich kann laufen | weg.de | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dobssen | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #2 | whatisupboizz | 27 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Pussy hunter | 22 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | Kondombrecher | 22 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ich kann laufen | weg.de | 14 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kondombrecher | +5.72 | 61 | 63 |
| #2 | Pussy hunter | +4.82 | 45 | 29 |
| #3 | Tom | +3.17 | 51 | 29 |
| #4 | Ich kann laufen | weg.de | +2.66 | 63 | 61 |
| #5 | NoX Reflex | +1.00 | 43 | 33 |





