








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,995 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3575 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2757 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1227 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2436 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $234,824 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CeeeeeeJ | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | chunny | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | Nik | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | Aer1al | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | dolph | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Aer1al | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | dolph | 48% | 23 |
| #6 | knock | 47% | 43 |
| #7 | endzo | 38% | 16 |
| #8 | Dr. Mew Mogger MD | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | knock | 9 | 0.0100 |
| #2 | Dr. Mew Mogger MD | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Aer1al | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Nik | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | endzo | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dolph | 109 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #2 | Aer1al | 104 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | knock | 87 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | endzo | 66 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nik | 60 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | super | +1.24 | 79 | 63 |
| #2 | endzo | +1.22 | 70 | 57 |
| #3 | Nik | +1.04 | 83 | 63 |
| #4 | Aer1al | +0.52 | 78 | 59 |
| #5 | knock | -0.04 | 60 | 55 |





