








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3868 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,685 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1172 | 15% |
| Smokes | 2019 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2583 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1911 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,686,526 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jay Steez | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Mr.Jones | 61% | 33 |
| #3 | TEDDOPLZ | 49% | 144 |
| #4 | COMMIT TAX FRAUD | 46% | 153 |
| #5 | 9.freaks4u | Vesslan | 45% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | COMMIT TAX FRAUD | 46% | 153 |
| #5 | 9.freaks4u | Vesslan | 45% | 42 |
| #6 | NewAtThis | 45% | 171 |
| #7 | Sorry | 43% | 96 |
| #8 | curren | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NewAtThis | 15 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | TEDDOPLZ | 15 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | COMMIT TAX FRAUD | 13 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Sorry | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Jay Steez | 2 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COMMIT TAX FRAUD | 691 | 0.21 | 17 min |
| #2 | Sorry | 485 | 0.24 | 10 min |
| #3 | NewAtThis | 482 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #4 | 9.freaks4u | Vesslan | 248 | 0.30 | 7 min |
| #5 | TEDDOPLZ | 167 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wingy | +1.12 | 66 | 54 |
| #2 | Mr.Jones | +0.04 | 32 | 52 |
| #3 | COMMIT TAX FRAUD | -0.08 | 73 | 52 |
| #4 | TEDDOPLZ | -0.12 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | curren | -0.18 | 61 | 65 |





