








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 244 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2606 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,841 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2319 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1475 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1569 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1478 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $400,842 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | theo | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Lucky Charms | 70% | 27 |
| #3 | Volk | 64% | 39 |
| #4 | ุ | 64% | 33 |
| #5 | dogy | 63% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | R3d4 | 57% | 90 |
| #9 | Protege | 55% | 65 |
| #10 | Tills | 55% | 20 |
| #11 | Noggenfogger | 51% | 49 |
| #12 | AbrahamDrinkin | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R3d4 | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Tills | 4 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | Protege | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Volk | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | theo | 3 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R3d4 | 596 | 0.33 | 16 min |
| #2 | Protege | 329 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #3 | Volk | 155 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Noggenfogger | 115 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mythic | 84 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DingBuddy | +2.72 | 90 | 63 |
| #2 | Protege | +1.09 | 73 | 82 |
| #3 | Tills | +0.99 | 81 | 70 |
| #4 | Mythic | +0.83 | 72 | 58 |
| #5 | Noggenfogger | -0.16 | 75 | 54 |





