








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
403 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,549 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 433 | 28% |
| Smokes | 363 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 435 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 318 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $118,694 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sirus | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Maggemilan aka Thommi G | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Gönnjamin | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | Contract Killer | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | Oni鬼 | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Oni鬼 | 41% | 17 |
| #6 | Miraculix | 33% | 3 |
| #7 | Mirai | 33% | 3 |
| #8 | ☆♥ Saphiraja ♥☆ | 27% | 11 |
| #9 | alu | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Contract Killer | 1 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oni鬼 | 44 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | alu | 35 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | Contract Killer | 34 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | ☆♥ Saphiraja ♥☆ | 27 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gönnjamin | 21 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sirus | +4.30 | 79 | 79 |
| #2 | Miraculix | +3.38 | 71 | 44 |
| #3 | Maggemilan aka Thommi G | +1.66 | 44 | 54 |
| #4 | Oni鬼 | +1.61 | 56 | 65 |
| #5 | Dr.Jones✂ | +1.00 | 58 | 59 |





