








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 273 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1679 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,910 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1334 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1023 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1376 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1177 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $648,652 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xyph x) | 77% | 22 |
| #2 | stokeru | 50% | 56 |
| #3 | Slick Sensei | 50% | 148 |
| #4 | WsplashSam | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | MiGHTY | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slick Sensei | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | stokeru | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Yipe34 | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | deets | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | MiGHTY | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yipe34 | 89 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Slick Sensei | 87 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #3 | xyph x) | 72 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | stokeru | 64 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | deets | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xyph x) | +3.81 | 73 | 61 |
| #2 | JohaN | +1.76 | 58 | 55 |
| #3 | WsplashSam | +1.72 | 80 | 67 |
| #4 | MiGHTY | +1.01 | 75 | 34 |
| #5 | Slick Sensei | +0.52 | 56 | 40 |





