








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 60 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 208 matches | ||
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2090 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,547 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 343 | 8% |
| Smokes | 1292 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1209 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1703 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,344,154 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .lvnexwvlf. | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 50% | 132 |
| #3 | calvinisonline | 46% | 157 |
| #4 | JoystickLuv 🎮 (Cute Feet FYI) | 44% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .lvnexwvlf. | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 50% | 132 |
| #3 | calvinisonline | 46% | 157 |
| #4 | JoystickLuv 🎮 (Cute Feet FYI) | 44% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoystickLuv 🎮 (Cute Feet FYI) | 99 | 0.0181 |
| #2 | calvinisonline | 18 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 16 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | .lvnexwvlf. | 8 | 0.0159 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calvinisonline | 404 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 294 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #3 | JoystickLuv 🎮 (Cute Feet FYI) | 242 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #4 | .lvnexwvlf. | 26 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoystickLuv 🎮 (Cute Feet FYI) | +3.74 | 54 | 45 |
| #2 | calvinisonline | +1.36 | 56 | 43 |
| #3 | .lvnexwvlf. | +0.50 | 46 | 17 |
| #4 | Jekoinkuiloinks | +0.26 | 63 | 52 |
| #5 | cuntpuncher | -3.63 | 40 | 27 |





