








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 254 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 305 matches | ||
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




150 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4094 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,435 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1436 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2627 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4544 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 3828 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $877,045 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 552 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 52% | 116 |
| #2 | calvinisonline | 51% | 224 |
| #3 | .lvnexwvlf. | 44% | 45 |
| #4 | cuntpuncher | 44% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 52% | 116 |
| #2 | calvinisonline | 51% | 224 |
| #3 | .lvnexwvlf. | 44% | 45 |
| #4 | cuntpuncher | 44% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cuntpuncher | 29 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | calvinisonline | 26 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 15 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | .lvnexwvlf. | 15 | 0.0174 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | calvinisonline | 463 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #2 | Jekoinkuiloinks | 251 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #3 | cuntpuncher | 86 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | .lvnexwvlf. | 28 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoystickLuv 🎮 (Cute Feet FYI) | +2.67 | 52 | 45 |
| #2 | calvinisonline | +1.43 | 55 | 42 |
| #3 | .lvnexwvlf. | +0.96 | 48 | 21 |
| #4 | Jekoinkuiloinks | +0.24 | 63 | 53 |
| #5 | cuntpuncher | -3.85 | 39 | 25 |





