








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 345 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1972 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3024 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1817 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2430 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1477 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $718,752 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 565 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Mikael Jarkkoniemi | 43% | 238 |
| #5 | esa | 43% | 40 |
| #6 | athes | 42% | 131 |
| #7 | Jnu | 39% | 127 |
| #8 | elq | 33% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mikael Jarkkoniemi | 992 | 0.21 | 20 min |
| #2 | athes | 368 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #3 | Jnu | 208 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | TaalaSeppo | 138 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | elq | 127 | 0.10 | 3 min |





