








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 295 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 261 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2896 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,003 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2859 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1831 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3576 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1737 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $941,792 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aW[dd] | 70% | 23 |
| #2 | El Professor[dd] | 65% | 31 |
| #3 | pcoon | 48% | 71 |
| #4 | sTarK x_0 | 47% | 66 |
| #5 | s t e a l t h l o l | 47% | 284 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Ryan.zmp | 45% | 80 |
| #10 | Flow | 40% | 20 |
| #11 | deeebeee | 40% | 43 |
| #12 | element | 39% | 56 |
| #13 | BongVoyage! pepperoni nips | 27% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s t e a l t h l o l | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Ryan.zmp | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | warchyld[dd] | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | pcoon | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | LiNkS | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s t e a l t h l o l | 761 | 0.13 | 18 min |
| #2 | LiNkS | 420 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Ryan.zmp | 359 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #4 | warchyld[dd] | 329 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #5 | sTarK x_0 | 248 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | element | +3.27 | 86 | 49 |
| #2 | pcoon | +2.53 | 71 | 69 |
| #3 | El Professor[dd] | +2.01 | 49 | 70 |
| #4 | dyeL!fe[dd] | -0.13 | 68 | 63 |
| #5 | s t e a l t h l o l | -0.19 | 68 | 59 |





