








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 459 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 387 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4257 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,779 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4480 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5674 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3501 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 5124 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,371,570 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flow | 55% | 31 |
| #2 | sTarK x_0 | 50% | 84 |
| #3 | LiNkS | 49% | 220 |
| #4 | pcoon | 48% | 126 |
| #5 | Ryan.zmp | 47% | 178 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | warchyld[dd] | 43% | 76 |
| #8 | element | 41% | 83 |
| #9 | hey hi | 39% | 51 |
| #10 | deeebeee | 39% | 67 |
| #11 | BongVoyage! pepperoni nips | 31% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryan.zmp | 16 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | element | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | dyeL!fe[dd] | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | pcoon | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | warchyld[dd] | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryan.zmp | 922 | 0.24 | 22 min |
| #2 | LiNkS | 603 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #3 | dyeL!fe[dd] | 484 | 0.08 | 15 min |
| #4 | sTarK x_0 | 325 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | warchyld[dd] | 320 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | element | +3.75 | 88 | 53 |
| #2 | pcoon | +2.36 | 72 | 69 |
| #3 | Flow | +0.20 | 58 | 49 |
| #4 | s t e a l t h l o l | +0.19 | 67 | 59 |
| #5 | dyeL!fe[dd] | -0.14 | 67 | 62 |





