








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 277 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 384 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2735 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,272 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1351 | 11% |
| Smokes | 4839 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 3404 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2678 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $794,769 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 619 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Capt Pug | 47% | 158 |
| #2 | MrTrashMan | 47% | 313 |
| #3 | beej | 45% | 82 |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | 45% | 187 |
| #5 | CqBwAfFlEs | 45% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | beej | 45% | 82 |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | 45% | 187 |
| #5 | CqBwAfFlEs | 45% | 65 |
| #6 | Gluteals | 44% | 258 |
| #7 | Lord Smevius the Wise | 42% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 22 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Gluteals | 19 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Nicky Bigs | 13 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Capt Pug | 10 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Lord Smevius the Wise | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 493 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #2 | Capt Pug | 341 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #3 | Gluteals | 290 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | 166 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | beej | 122 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | +2.36 | 77 | 60 |
| #2 | Gluteals | +1.06 | 66 | 43 |
| #3 | Nicky Bigs | -0.91 | 76 | 32 |
| #4 | Capt Pug | -0.95 | 61 | 53 |
| #5 | beej | -1.10 | 43 | 43 |





