








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 210 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1824 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,708 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 464 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1592 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 548 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1104 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $896,952 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 46 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Capt Pug | 43% | 40 |
| #2 | Allegedly | 42% | 107 |
| #3 | beej | 41% | 51 |
| #4 | MrTrashMan | 38% | 115 |
| #5 | Nicky Bigs | 34% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | beej | 41% | 51 |
| #4 | MrTrashMan | 38% | 115 |
| #5 | Nicky Bigs | 34% | 58 |
| #6 | Gluteals | 34% | 89 |
| #7 | CqBwAfFlEs | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 9 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Gluteals | 9 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Allegedly | 7 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | beej | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 178 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Allegedly | 86 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gluteals | 77 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | Capt Pug | 60 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | beej | 49 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | +2.32 | 76 | 61 |
| #2 | Gluteals | +1.02 | 66 | 40 |
| #3 | Nicky Bigs | -0.78 | 77 | 32 |
| #4 | Capt Pug | -0.94 | 67 | 48 |
| #5 | Lord Smevius the Wise | -1.14 | 54 | 37 |





