








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1364 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 612 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 87 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7488 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,826 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5196 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5678 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7633 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 4319 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,527,430 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 87 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yingling | 63% | 46 |
| #2 | Capt Pug | 51% | 293 |
| #3 | authentic oat beverage | 49% | 122 |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | 48% | 328 |
| #5 | Allegedly | 47% | 313 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Allegedly | 47% | 313 |
| #6 | CqBwAfFlEs | 46% | 127 |
| #7 | Gluteals | 46% | 408 |
| #8 | beej | 43% | 164 |
| #9 | Lord Smevius the Wise | 38% | 115 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gluteals | 28 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Capt Pug | 25 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Nicky Bigs | 24 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Allegedly | 18 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | beej | 6 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Capt Pug | 646 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #2 | Gluteals | 481 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | authentic oat beverage | 354 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | Allegedly | 264 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | Nicky Bigs | 231 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | +1.90 | 75 | 60 |
| #2 | Gluteals | +1.15 | 66 | 43 |
| #3 | yingling | -0.56 | 61 | 49 |
| #4 | Nicky Bigs | -0.60 | 77 | 35 |
| #5 | authentic oat beverage | -1.22 | 46 | 60 |





