








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 129 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1370 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,342 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 793 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1593 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1006 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 950 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $708,259 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 131 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Allegedly | 45% | 82 |
| #2 | Nicky Bigs | 44% | 90 |
| #3 | MrTrashMan | 43% | 164 |
| #4 | Lord Smevius the Wise | 41% | 51 |
| #5 | CqBwAfFlEs | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | MrTrashMan | 43% | 164 |
| #4 | Lord Smevius the Wise | 41% | 51 |
| #5 | CqBwAfFlEs | 41% | 39 |
| #6 | Capt Pug | 40% | 73 |
| #7 | Gluteals | 36% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 15 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Nicky Bigs | 8 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Gluteals | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Capt Pug | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Allegedly | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | 294 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | Capt Pug | 167 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gluteals | 127 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Allegedly | 96 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nicky Bigs | 80 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrTrashMan | +2.09 | 75 | 61 |
| #2 | Gluteals | +1.11 | 66 | 42 |
| #3 | Nicky Bigs | -0.59 | 79 | 38 |
| #4 | Allegedly | -0.81 | 66 | 53 |
| #5 | Capt Pug | -1.12 | 60 | 50 |





