








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 173 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Faceit | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3003 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,728 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6001 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5744 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3562 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4421 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $796,553 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaze | 64% | 22 |
| #2 | Vib | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | Sparta Kuss | 53% | 19 |
| #4 | ☞ 𝔸𝖗⍑𝖎𝖋𝖎𝖝 ☜ | 52% | 25 |
| #5 | NoNo | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | izid00d | 45% | 141 |
| #11 | VAC Calino | 44% | 98 |
| #12 | Ambition | 43% | 128 |
| #13 | CrazyLegs | 29% | 51 |
| #14 | Den Kække Gris | 29% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CrazyLegs | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Ambition | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | izid00d | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | VAC Calino | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Yohannefis ^_^ | 2 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | izid00d | 437 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | Ambition | 359 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | VAC Calino | 226 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | ☞ 𝔸𝖗⍑𝖎𝖋𝖎𝖝 ☜ | 177 | 0.33 | 5 min |
| #5 | CrazyLegs | 124 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Høvisch | +2.86 | 56 | 60 |
| #2 | Vib | +2.20 | 50 | 61 |
| #3 | NoNo | +1.50 | 71 | 60 |
| #4 | Kaze | +1.37 | 52 | 72 |
| #5 | Imploded Penguin | +1.15 | 67 | 74 |





