








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 273 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1791 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,774 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1915 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1896 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 759 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 2204 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $768,633 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fred | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | MainZ [L] | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | EҠ | 56% | 27 |
| #4 | Kaze | 55% | 42 |
| #5 | BoBski | 54% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | izid00d | 40% | 96 |
| #14 | Yohannefis ^_^ | 39% | 18 |
| #15 | Hyper^ | 34% | 44 |
| #16 | Muffen | 29% | 51 |
| #17 | Entry | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muffen | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | VAC Calino | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | EҠ | 4 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | NoNo | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Ambition | 3 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | izid00d | 338 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #2 | VAC Calino | 282 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #3 | Muffen | 274 | 0.24 | 8 min |
| #4 | BoBski | 255 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #5 | Ambition | 182 | 0.14 | 5 min |





