








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 452 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Faceit | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3248 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,146 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5473 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3624 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 4766 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4283 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $930,637 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 341 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoNo | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Kaze | 56% | 50 |
| #3 | VAC Calino | 49% | 82 |
| #4 | SEXY BORIS | 49% | 121 |
| #5 | Hyper^ | 48% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Muffen | 45% | 141 |
| #10 | Imploded Penguin | 42% | 19 |
| #11 | CrazyLegs | 40% | 96 |
| #12 | Yohannefis ^_^ | 37% | 27 |
| #13 | MegaMogens^ | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muffen | 9 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | CrazyLegs | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Yohannefis ^_^ | 4 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | Ambition | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | SEXY BORIS | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muffen | 707 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #2 | Ambition | 437 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | CrazyLegs | 233 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | VAC Calino | 198 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Kaze | 179 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoNo | +2.42 | 67 | 58 |
| #2 | Vib | +1.50 | 41 | 63 |
| #3 | Imploded Penguin | +1.17 | 58 | 69 |
| #4 | Kaze | +0.83 | 56 | 80 |
| #5 | Yohannefis ^_^ | +0.74 | 67 | 66 |





