








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 529 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2566 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,789 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 853 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1309 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1149 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1478 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $700,584 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Smoke | 74 | 0.0164 |
| #2 | Ban | 33 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | Tama | 24 | 0.0066 |
| #4 | Koczka | 12 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Z0ZZ1 | 9 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Smoke | 605 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #2 | Z0ZZ1 | 438 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #3 | Tama | 430 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | Koczka | 396 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | Birmingham Roadman | 147 | 0.06 | 3 min |





