








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1534 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,805 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1072 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1130 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 487 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1116 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $379,411 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skinnypenis | 77% | 13 |
| #2 | TRIXT3R | 71% | 14 |
| #3 | kroko | 64% | 11 |
| #4 | Lé Tupla | 63% | 35 |
| #5 | DuXs | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | DuXs | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | Maitomies | 49% | 53 |
| #7 | peaky blinder | 46% | 13 |
| #8 | bobster | 44% | 9 |
| #9 | WatchM3Fail | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lé Tupla | 6 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Maitomies | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | WatchM3Fail | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | peaky blinder | 1 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | kroko | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Maitomies | 331 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #2 | Lé Tupla | 146 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | WatchM3Fail | 88 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | kroko | 55 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | bobster | 52 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TRIXT3R | +3.58 | 76 | 46 |
| #2 | kroko | +2.71 | 79 | 66 |
| #3 | The Orc Slayer | +1.62 | 67 | 59 |
| #4 | WatchM3Fail | +1.09 | 67 | 66 |
| #5 | Lé Tupla | +1.04 | 66 | 53 |





