








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 197 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2144 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,227 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 221 | 5% |
| Smokes | 1702 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1298 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1006 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,247,091 of utility $229 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | UncleNaphy | 39% | 18 |
| #12 | Dr. Decoy | 38% | 32 |
| #13 | Gambit | 36% | 87 |
| #14 | YoungWolf | 35% | 17 |
| #15 | couch | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zizzitz | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Gambit | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Freeze Cat | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Flash | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | SotoSizzle | 2 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zizzitz | 338 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | Gambit | 241 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | Flash | 185 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #4 | Lil Pecker | 127 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Dr. Decoy | 52 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R.Spec | +3.37 | 68 | 72 |
| #2 | Captain Canada | +3.12 | 44 | 69 |
| #3 | That's Not Butter | +2.06 | 59 | 67 |
| #4 | Flash | +1.29 | 68 | 79 |
| #5 | Foogy | +0.28 | 58 | 34 |





