










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 602 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1662 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,695 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1042 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1072 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 822 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 759 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $502,096 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 316 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wayboy | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | ClartinYoMama | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Michu | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Connor101man | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | hallzy | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Connor101man | 145 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #2 | wayboy | 140 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | hallzy | 123 | 0.33 | 3 min |
| #4 | ClartinYoMama | 122 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Michu | 94 | 0.10 | 2 min |





