








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 291 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 161 matches | ||
| Faceit | 87 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Esplay | 5 matches | 1,822 | |
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,206 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1679 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1733 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2262 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1532 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,512,028 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 169 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Holbek | 65% | 23 |
| #2 | MrRedsea | 63% | 27 |
| #3 | Egern sælgeren | 60% | 63 |
| #4 | Juul | 59% | 29 |
| #5 | Zewkaz | 59% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egern sælgeren | 13 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Holbek | 5 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Pløk'mester Adrbadr | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Juul | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | 3sth3r | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zewkaz | 200 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #2 | Egern sælgeren | 141 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | MrRedsea | 112 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | BLAAPP | 76 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | 3sth3r | 53 | 0.03 | 1 min |





