








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 227 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,620 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 853 | 11% |
| Smokes | 2261 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3053 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 1453 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $490,384 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.PapaSmoke 🦄 | 88% | 16 |
| #2 | Sheds | 65% | 23 |
| #3 | Louj. | 63% | 41 |
| #4 | Columbo Kam | 62% | 50 |
| #5 | Xanax | 59% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Rey | 58% | 31 |
| #7 | Jiffz | 57% | 35 |
| #8 | Mike | 50% | 38 |
| #9 | Globalik | 50% | 62 |
| #10 | Kinder Wayno | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Globalik | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Mike | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Xanax | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Columbo Kam | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Louj. | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Globalik | 284 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | Mike | 120 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jiffz | 109 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Columbo Kam | 107 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Louj. | 98 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xanax | +1.35 | 75 | 61 |
| #2 | Mr.PapaSmoke 🦄 | +1.32 | 60 | 58 |
| #3 | fadetoblack | +1.17 | 50 | 56 |
| #4 | Globalik | +0.67 | 56 | 77 |
| #5 | Jiffz | +0.53 | 63 | 65 |





