








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 82 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1867 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,393 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1720 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1494 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 781 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1398 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $526,239 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 149 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | THE. FUCKING. BEST. | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | MisfitMason | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | coastin | 59% | 17 |
| #4 | Noccturnal♡ | 58% | 67 |
| #5 | InsTinctZ | 56% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thicc thighs save lives | 8 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | InsTinctZ | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Sanity | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Noccturnal♡ | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | JTILL | 2 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sanity | 511 | 0.29 | 13 min |
| #2 | InsTinctZ | 132 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | Warrior | 130 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | thicc thighs save lives | 127 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | JTILL | 111 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CY0NiK | +2.24 | 81 | 64 |
| #2 | Noccturnal♡ | +1.99 | 88 | 54 |
| #3 | coastin | +1.29 | 91 | 46 |
| #4 | SHINU | +0.72 | 73 | 78 |
| #5 | InsTinctZ | +0.56 | 89 | 53 |





