










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 72 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1632 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,527 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 665 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1227 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1296 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1339 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $964,249 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Edge | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Deu Sex | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Dirty Dan | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Nudist Beachman | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 275 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Nudist Beachman | 169 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | rd | 119 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 82 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Edge | 76 | 0.03 | 2 min |





