








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 471 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2265 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,268 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 622 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1741 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1273 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1632 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,251,436 of utility $255 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 207 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Him | 47% | 137 |
| #2 | Nudist Beachman | 46% | 147 |
| #3 | rd | 46% | 80 |
| #4 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 45% | 146 |
| #5 | Hal | 44% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Him | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Deu Sex | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Nudist Beachman | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 257 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Nudist Beachman | 251 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | rd | 150 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 78 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Him | 77 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nudist Beachman | +2.26 | 58 | 54 |
| #2 | Hal | +1.28 | 62 | 37 |
| #3 | Edge | +0.96 | 55 | 46 |
| #4 | Him | +0.83 | 66 | 52 |
| #5 | rd | -0.08 | 73 | 50 |





