










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
959 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,559 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 128 | 8% |
| Smokes | 422 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 558 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 451 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $616,660 of utility $274 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 174 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Nudist Beachman | 50% | 62 |
| #8 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 45% | 42 |
| #9 | Edge | 44% | 50 |
| #10 | Deu Sex | 42% | 12 |
| #11 | Deadbeat Daddy | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Him | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Edge | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Deu Sex | 2 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 147 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Nudist Beachman | 101 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | rd | 69 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Him | 23 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Edge | 22 | 0.02 | 0 min |





