








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 209 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1384 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,469 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1635 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2053 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2075 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1706 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $708,523 of utility $211 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Yappy Dawg Jimmy Time | 45% | 51 |
| #11 | Dirty Dan | 44% | 59 |
| #12 | Mauvesauce | 43% | 23 |
| #13 | Ontoppa The Hutt | 40% | 60 |
| #14 | Deu Sex | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Him | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Nudist Beachman | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Edge | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Deu Sex | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 101 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Nudist Beachman | 77 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Yappy Dawg Jimmy Time | 61 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Edge | 19 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | Him | 14 | 0.01 | 0 min |





