








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1403 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 536 matches | ||
| Premier | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,463 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10177 | 40% |
| Smokes | 4007 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 7373 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3906 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,447,340 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 88 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ha*KING*Ha | 16 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | SAMJ | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | η₯ηΆ | 10 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | βͺ ζ°ηζ³ζε»· | 8 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | Longsanity | 7 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | η₯ηΆ | 1796 | 0.22 | 32 min |
| #2 | SAMJ | 1442 | 0.21 | 32 min |
| #3 | Longsanity | 1109 | 0.22 | 28 min |
| #4 | Ha*KING*Ha | 900 | 0.12 | 19 min |
| #5 | Zhengzhou Aquaman | 793 | 0.20 | 17 min |





