








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 179 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 244 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 100 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2477 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,550 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2508 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4080 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2863 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2099 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,686,956 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 209 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Diems | 54% | 225 |
| #2 | MOSIX | 53% | 363 |
| #3 | CRASHOUT | 51% | 138 |
| #4 | Gator | 50% | 138 |
| #5 | CHRIS | 47% | 194 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MOSIX | 17 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | CHRIS | 14 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Gator | 12 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | Knicker Teen Addict | 10 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | CRASHOUT | 9 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MOSIX | 1080 | 0.15 | 25 min |
| #2 | Gator | 553 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #3 | Diems | 416 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | CHRIS | 242 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | CRASHOUT | 221 | 0.08 | 5 min |





