








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 113 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 156 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
942 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,090 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 896 | 22% |
| Smokes | 507 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 1288 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1399 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $787,346 of utility $211 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 'Protektor' | 32% | 173 |
| #2 | Guardian | 32% | 177 |
| #3 | 'Mufflon' | 31% | 183 |
| #4 | 'Klischee' | 31% | 184 |
| #5 | cider-of-shr00m | 9% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 'Protektor' | 32% | 173 |
| #2 | Guardian | 32% | 177 |
| #3 | 'Mufflon' | 31% | 183 |
| #4 | 'Klischee' | 31% | 184 |
| #5 | cider-of-shr00m | 9% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guardian | 22 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | 'Mufflon' | 12 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | 'Klischee' | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | 'Protektor' | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | cider-of-shr00m | 1 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Guardian | 298 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #2 | 'Mufflon' | 260 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | 'Protektor' | 173 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | 'Klischee' | 124 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | cider-of-shr00m | 16 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 'Mufflon' | +1.15 | 49 | 69 |
| #2 | 'Klischee' | +0.85 | 55 | 61 |
| #3 | Guardian | +0.21 | 43 | 59 |
| #4 | cider-of-shr00m | -1.12 | 27 | 55 |
| #5 | 'Protektor' | -1.29 | 26 | 64 |





