








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 620 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 441 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 81 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4018 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,059 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2791 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3715 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4133 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3420 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,409,185 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 710 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sløyern | 61% | 76 |
| #2 | winchestr | 54% | 197 |
| #3 | Sunshin3 | 52% | 210 |
| #4 | ByProxy | 52% | 285 |
| #5 | Путин сука | 50% | 247 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Magnus | 48% | 362 |
| #9 | Holorama | 47% | 155 |
| #10 | Jonasak | 46% | 61 |
| #11 | マグナス Häranuuu | 36% | 47 |
| #12 | Mr.Grumpy | 32% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ByProxy | 13 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Путин сука | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | InTheGreek | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Magnus | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Sunshin3 | 6 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Magnus | 797 | 0.10 | 20 min |
| #2 | ByProxy | 560 | 0.09 | 14 min |
| #3 | winchestr | 393 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #4 | Путин сука | 281 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #5 | InTheGreek | 164 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sløyern | +3.71 | 79 | 61 |
| #2 | winchestr | +2.69 | 79 | 65 |
| #3 | 156 | +0.61 | 71 | 60 |
| #4 | マグナス Häranuuu | +0.22 | 86 | 69 |
| #5 | ByProxy | +0.22 | 53 | 69 |





