








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 240 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1063 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,437 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 667 | 27% |
| Smokes | 513 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 743 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 514 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $419,943 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 122 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fire mike tomlin | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | Story | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | The Prince | 50% | 18 |
| #5 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 49% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | F-12 Targeting Computer | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Story | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | The Prince | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Story | +4.31 | 88 | 68 |
| #2 | varsityjoe | +3.14 | 73 | 79 |
| #3 | World's Longest Yeah Boi | +1.09 | 82 | 62 |
| #4 | F-12 Targeting Computer | +0.96 | 80 | 53 |
| #5 | fire mike tomlin | -0.30 | 82 | 61 |





