








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 58 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 89 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
852 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,937 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 863 | 29% |
| Smokes | 948 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 425 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 701 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $379,055 of utility $187 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LM | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | Gliss | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | D1RE | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | DonkeyDork | 63% | 8 |
| #5 | JeffLaFlavor | 60% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | turqii | 5 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Chico_stick | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | The World's Luckiest Man Webtoon | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | boom | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | DonkeyDork | 1 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The World's Luckiest Man Webtoon | 448 | 0.27 | 11 min |
| #2 | turqii | 261 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | Chico_stick | 69 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | D1RE | 61 | 0.35 | 2 min |
| #5 | boom | 44 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DonkeyDork | +2.89 | 86 | 50 |
| #2 | LM | +2.51 | 78 | 56 |
| #3 | Gliss | +1.91 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | turqii | +1.55 | 74 | 64 |
| #5 | D1RE | +1.29 | 75 | 86 |





