








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 322 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
806 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,037 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 464 | 23% |
| Smokes | 381 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 682 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 510 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $732,490 of utility $316 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Thuc | 33% | 9 |
| #8 | DinoKing 🦕 | 29% | 7 |
| #9 | Venjex | 29% | 7 |
| #10 | ุLasse Bluten | 29% | 14 |
| #11 | KOLT | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dylan | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | ุLasse Bluten | 1 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | JackieLafon | 1 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Jeffrey Epstein | 1 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ุLasse Bluten | 64 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #2 | Xxx_W33B_SL4Y3R_xxX | 50 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | KOLT | 43 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Jeffrey Epstein | 31 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | Mike | 25 | 0.14 | 1 min |





