








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 294 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1934 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,892 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2331 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2306 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1160 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2095 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,011,343 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Sam le Slick Slime | 39% | 72 |
| #10 | treky | 39% | 44 |
| #11 | jesus john | 36% | 42 |
| #12 | >:o | 33% | 27 |
| #13 | trekmann bottom text | 30% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pauljs | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | trekmann bottom text | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | tk | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Sam le Slick Slime | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | jesus john | 4 | 0.0046 |





