








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 53 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Overpass | 27 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
862 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,301 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 531 | 16% |
| Smokes | 988 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 721 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1061 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $351,263 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1044 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BatmansBigBoner™ | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | Duplexable | 45% | 42 |
| #3 | MiniColossus | 40% | 57 |
| #4 | EridiumZX | 40% | 48 |
| #5 | Not_A_Smart_Sandwich | 39% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | John Freeman | 38% | 39 |
| #7 | Mr. Nik | 38% | 99 |
| #8 | CelebianFe | 36% | 11 |
| #9 | canewts | 33% | 24 |
| #10 | HiphopAnonymous | 8% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MiniColossus | 11 | 0.0096 |
| #2 | Mr. Nik | 9 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | EridiumZX | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | BatmansBigBoner™ | 3 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | John Freeman | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EridiumZX | 113 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Duplexable | 108 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | MiniColossus | 104 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mr. Nik | 88 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | John Freeman | 59 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Nik | +3.78 | 85 | 49 |
| #2 | MiniColossus | +3.45 | 68 | 57 |
| #3 | John Freeman | +2.30 | 52 | 67 |
| #4 | BatmansBigBoner™ | +1.05 | 48 | 52 |
| #5 | Duplexable | -0.49 | 44 | 57 |





