








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 116 matches | ||
| Premier | 32 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1918 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1044 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1235 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 882 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1134 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $514,370 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | SnuteS | 54% | 70 |
| #5 | Nils | 54% | 50 |
| #6 | Maranello♥ | 53% | 58 |
| #7 | Steinert | 48% | 66 |
| #8 | Phnz | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SnuteS | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Nils | 5 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Maranello♥ | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | ⍭ SAPISH ⍭ | 2 | 0.0045 |
| #5 | Steinert | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steinert | 275 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | SnuteS | 168 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Nils | 149 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Maranello♥ | 124 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Phnz | 33 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lil naenae god | +1.14 | 89 | 45 |
| #2 | SnuteS | +1.03 | 80 | 67 |
| #3 | Nils | +1.02 | 91 | 60 |
| #4 | Steinert | +0.77 | 82 | 64 |
| #5 | Phnz | +0.37 | 94 | 58 |





